Audience day out

Well well well. Finally the much coveted audience day out a.k.a "the offsite" day arrived. This has been one the most talked about topic lately, after aapka soroor-The movie-The real love stpry but ofcource ( with all due respect to shree shree himesh reshamiya ji).
So we were informed about the whole thing beforehand just to avoid confusion and everyone ( rich people with cars n all) arranged for everyone else (poor people with no cars or bikes n all) to be picked.
I, on the night before was really panicky owing to my non punctual reputation and my cough and cold. But all's well that starts well, as in we were all on time( if we discount the 20 minutes delay).
So the audience ship of offsite set out in the ocean of bangalore traffic. Our destination was club cabana (reminds me of the song copa caban :D) and the traffic as usual was agonizing (despite of the fact that it was just 8 in the morning and we by the way were travelling towards the outskirts of Bangalooru)

To kill the time people suggested of watching a movie of the Flat screen touch button TV in the "LUXURY" bus (flat screen, as the TV was enclosed in a rectagular, box kinda screen and touch screen owing to the fact that it had to be touched several times before it starts).With a couple of arguments and agreements people decided to watch a mehmood's thing with all his gigs. But instead of killing time it was killing the people who were trying to watch it. and one by one people were succumbing to sleep owing to the excruciating jokes.
Finally some angels from the back of the bus suggesting of stopping te movie and finally the turmoil ended.
After some 45 minutes we reached club cabana where our breakfast wsa waiting for us.We had some sumptuos breakfast with loads of chitchat here and and people plannning bout various events. The air was so full of anticipation and people were enjoying every bit of a working day without working :) Then aparna called out to assemble to play a GAME.
Somehow I feel these team building games are to make, respectfull people, with the no nonsense written all over their face, feel foolish. And jerks like me to feel good about it :)
So we played the game of mking some device with the main power available.Somehow it felt more like a project with ajay pen and paper in his hand fishing for ideas and all of looking at him to come up with it. .

Finally we came uo with the brilliant out of the world idea of making a ancient griding thing ( wont call it a machine). When the "game" started and we did the whole thing ajay and sandy had all their nightmares come true as they were literally manhandled.

We also saw few of the good devices like one team made scissors and another one cycle.
After that Aprana gave us a update about her US visit and how there are so many new oppurtunities for everyone coming up. Everyone once again was in total awe of how in so less time our team has been ableto influence so many people sitting in US, all thanks to Aprna , Ajay and Ritin (and the SEO kids:D )
A
fter which all the kids were let loose and everyone started of with their games. Most of the guys started with cricket where Ameesh as usual, displayed his skills at bowling. A couple of others were busy with indoor games. Aparna and Divya left for playing squash and the rest of the girls got busy with chitchat or the indoor games.
After the cricket session "the boys" spilled themselves all over the place with few on the teniss court while other on the badmiton court and few others playing squash.
Later everone was gathered to feed themselves.Lunch was good with everyone filling their plates and making it resemple to a tiny mountain :D.
After lunch we had another activity lined up and everyone after the sumptuos lunch was looking for bed rather then any activity.
With a few whines and whimpers people divided themselves into the four teams(it was one of the toughest job with people taking it as a normal counting and going beyond 4 all the time).
So with heavy feet and head (what do u expect after such a heavy lunch) we proceeded towars the dark room. But once there all the sleep was gone coz the purpose of the game was to shout ad divert the other team member who tries to make his way thorough a number of obstacles blindfolded.
All the contestant were confused and irritated with theh rest of teams shouting at them. Imran finally gave in to the temptation and took of his blindfold.Pranita finally made it and so did divya but with a lot of rule braking (which her teammates outrightly deny). Our team also won despite of Ritin's attempts to cajole abhishek (I specifically remember him whispering something into his ears :D). The show stealet was satish. I had no clue at all that he can actually be so loud.Also there was a lot of rules breaking, man-handlelling, shouting on the cordinator, threating n all that but well that he part of all the offsites.

Later everyone headed towards bowling alley and a couple of us towarsd the baddi court ( Amrit challenged us and we...err... respectfully took it......) I tried scraing him off by saying am good n all that but I guess he knows me too well to bite that bait.

So we set off towards badi court.Me and Aprna in one team and divya and amrit in other.
Aparna played quite well but I totally compesated her by playing a reall lousy game and we lost (Thanks to me...)
We tried using a coupel of permutaions and combinations like me, amrit, aparna and divya then divya and ritin then Sulogna and ritin.
But in all conditions my team lost...sniff, sniff.
On the other end of the resort people were enjoying with water, some with the pure others with a distilled version (more often known as the liquor). Owing to his recent road fiasco was enjoying later part of water and Naveen and Arjun like true friends (They really do believe in a friend in NEED is a friend in DEED).

While the rest of the gang was taking turns in somersaulting in water. The whole place was alive because of their shouting and howling.When I went there I saw a number of skimply clad guys simply enjoying themselves in water and a few grls and a life guard sitting on the hsore tottally scandalised by the view :D.

And then there was Imraan ( A very well endowed guy) sitting on a tube (which was crying for mercy under him) resembling some blue whale on vacation and creating a mini Tsunami everytime he moved(Imraan , you are my best friend, buddy)
Deepak at the other of the pool was enjoyin his daddy'd day out (Am sure he would be happy to get a real holiday :D).

After a lot of chit chat (we literally made plans of our outings till december :D) and water splashes we bade goodbye to club cabana and headed towards Bangalore......and everyone agreed for that with the fear of getting stuck in traffic (yeah with bangalore people, getting stuck in traffic is the ultimate threat for getting anything done).
So turned our ship and were on our way when someone thought of having a little talent show of the newbies.
Everyone gave a performance with Fiza stealing the show. Ameesh and Imrann stood a close second with their almost breathtaking performances(almost, 'coz we survived that!!)
Then the old Naveen (yeah that how Naveen kumar is adressed these days owing to a new naveen entry in the team,Poor chap!!!) wsa asked to sing something. All sorts of request were flying in the air, from shakira's song to kannada song.
After some time we came to know that Naveen had already sung and finished the song, which we were totally unaware of (I think he was using some ultrasonic sound waves!!).

At the end of this audience idol show we started the evergreen antakshari. It was one of the most enjoyable part of the whole trip where the true talent of sachin, Fiza, Ameesh, Imraaan,Aparana and amrit came out.
The best part was angry young man avtaar of Amrit (phew! all of us had a mimni stroke because of that)
Well we enjoyed throughly thoughout the whole days, thansk to ajay and aparna and most importnatly AOL (You should never forget the one provide the moolah:D)

Selfish

Was just wondering what is limit to which one can think of his benefit without being selfish.
Or if there is anything known has thinking of yourself without being selfish.
These days am just skeptical about anyoen and anyone being nice to me 'coz from past 5 months I have seen only one thing that if someone is being nice to you there has to be hidden agenda behind it.
and kills you to just think that its not you for which people approach you but what can they get from you for which do that.
Anyways lousy thoughts,guess will do some cheering up exercise to come out of this kinda mode or thought process

Spidey-3

Well I just read a rather vociferous and verbose review of spidey 3 and am really tempted to write my version.
Well The movie also amrked my meeting with rashmi (my ex-roomie) after a long long time(first time after her marriage).
So it was kinda big deal.atleast for me it was.
So much so that I agreed for getting up early on a sunday (yeah it is a big deal for the persom who sleeps at 4 in the morning and gets up at 5 in the evening).
Anyways, knowing me, Rashmi messaged me at some 1 in the night (rather morning) and asked me to go sleep.
I took heeded to her advice and went to sleep at 3,finally!!
I got up at 9 as I had planned and just when I got up rashmi called me to check if I have got up.
I got ready with all the swiftness I could muster ona sunday morning (I generally get depressed ona sunday owing to the approaching monday)
Anyways so I finally got ready and in the meanwhile rashmi again called if I am still in bed and she was really impressed, when I told her that am ready.
Then she did her routine check and asked me the following list of question:

• Is it the spiderman ticket that you have( and asked me to get the ticket and look it )-Answer positive
• Is it for today-Answer positive (with an enquiry about what date is it today)
• Is it for 10 A.M or 10 P.M.-Answer morning 10
• Is it for PVR forum koremangala-Answer positive.
• It is the english spidey and not the hindi one- Answer positive
  

See, this is the confidence people have on me but well I dont blame her, 'coz if a girl can end up in an airport one day before the day of flight, and again miss the same flight the very next day, she is capable of any fiasco. So without many whimpering and whining and tool her advice and started from my place.

Finally after a couple of calls to each other and little bit of confusion we finally managed to meet each other and proceeded towards the hall to find our seats.

After stepping on a few people's foot and a little bit of pushing here and there we finally found our seats, and sat there for some 15-20 minutes, listening to all sorts of ads and making fun of them ( you see, thats the best part of going for a movie with rash', You can never have a dead moment).

Finally the movie started.It went on and on a little slow and all but the worst thing that hit me was how cheap spiderman was.

I mean cummon, it was his girlfrend's first performance and all he gave was some home grown flowers (even they were dying, may be they suffered froma reall inferiority complex sitting in front of harry's flowers). And this continued not at one place but again and agian. Finally when I pointed this to rashmi she said he must be some aiyanger boy, some spiderman aiyangar or something. They are the only who are so cheap, he even borrowed the wedding ring from aunt may.

Anyways apart from the fact that spidey was cheap he was so sobby throughout the movie. I mean for god's sake, come what may, he is a superhero (reminds me of bheja fry's dialogue"kya idiot insaan nahi hote" similiarly "kya superhero insaan nahi hote") welll my answer would be "no". They are not just heroes, they are superheroes. so they should live upto the expectation and crying once is fine. He cries at the drop of the hat. Plus in the middle of the movie I thought almost everyone is in spidey's enemy list. i mean i lost the count fo how many villians are there. Harry (his friends), Sandman,eddie(reference coming up), MJ, aunt may, wait aunt may was on his side, but who cares it was all so confusing.

The story line had more tangles then spidey's web and our pooor spidey got majorly stuck in it, along with several other. It was all like some mamohan desai movie, where everyone is related to someone and somehow they get connected someway to somebody.

Like sandman, who turns out to be his uncle's killer. Man! talk about coincidences

Then eddie who is just some junk guy, who had a crush on some girl, who was a lab partner to peter parker and also liked spidy and also kissed him, Oh gaaaaaaaaaawddddddddddd

Then MJ, which is also the name of my client, I mean heights of coincidence, now. Well it doesn't have anything to do with anyone else, but it did effect me and this is my blog so I have every right to mention it here.

The only delighfull thing (and I completely, totally , with all my heart and soul , mean it) in this whole mess was harry. That guy is too damn hot and he is getting hotter with each sequeal.Sad he wont be there anymore coz the director killed him, damn you, Sam Raimi. he could have killed the overweight spiderman (yeah he looks a little chunky) but know he will kill the good looking guy. May be spiderman got him killed as was outshining him.

Anyways after three loooooooooooooong hours it came to an end and we finally came out. But after the movie I just thought it wasn't all that disastrous. It was kinda fun watching a movie in hall after a long long time. Though it was a little weepy but who cares till the time he can fly high.

But I think, the bhojpuri or the punjabi spiderman would have been more fun then this one. It just hilarious wen u say aunt May and MJ talking in bhojpuri :)

Music and lyrics

Had a bad bad start of the day.
First there was a lot of cooking going on in the house (who does so much of cooking right in the middle of the mroning ), owing to a friend's friend, who has come over for staying for a "few" days and has upset the whole scenario in the house(yesterday she locked one of the room. thankfully, I had the keys else we would have been short of one room).
Then I gave a donation to some orphanage, not that am cribby bout it but I really have my doubts about it reaching to the rightfull candidate.
Then had to change an auto due to the misbehaviour of the auto guy AND the meter.
Ended up paying more fare (Am so tempted to buy a car seeing all this).
But the whole thing was washed of once I read an article.
The article was about teh worlds 20 worst lyrics ever.
Man what all these guys come up with.
The link is here http://www.spinner.com/2007/03/27/the-worst-lyrics-ever-no-20/
And a few examples of these in case the link doesnt work.
here goes(it has some expert comments as well and those are deadly)

20."If I was a sculptor but then again, no"--Elton John's 'Your Song'(lyrics by Bernie Taupin)

Well, then stop bringing it up already! This line has been wasting our time for three decades.

19."Lucky that my breasts are small and humble

So you don't confuse them with mountains"--Shakira's 'Whenever, Wherever'

The woman makes a lot of sense. And lucky that Sacagawea wasn't more buxom or Lewis and Clark might not have found the Pacific.

18."I love you like a fat kid loves cake"--50 Cent's '21 Questions'

Gangsta, schmangsta -- brotha should write Hallmark cards.



17."There's an insect in your ear if you scratch it won't disappear"--U2's 'Staring at the Sun

'It's sure hard to tell that U2 scrambled to finish their 'Pop' album. At least Bono didn't mention "driving rain."



16."Relentless lust of rotting flesh to thrash the tomb she lies
Heathen whoreOf Satan's wrathI spit at your demise"--Slayer's 'Necrophiliac

'Never mind 50 Cent, these guys should write Hallmark cards.



15."Leaving was never my proud"--R.E.M.'s 'Leaving New York

'Sorry, Michael, but we scoured all of our reference books, and "proud" just doesn't wash as a noun. Lions do live in prides, but we don't see the relevance.



13."There were plants And birds And rocks And things"--America's 'Horse With No Name

'Like in New York, nouns are scarce in the desert, and apparently our poor soft rockers simply ran out of them. Too bad they didn't consult Michael Stipe: "There were plants and birds and rocks and prouds."



12."Time is like a clock in my heart"--Culture Club's 'Time (Clock of the Heart)'

Awesome analogy. Time is soooo like a clock, because, well, it's freakin' time!



11."I wish it was Sunday That's my fun day My I-don't-have-to-run day"--The Bangles' 'Manic Monday'(lyrics by Prince)

We're cool with the easy rhymes of Monday to Sunday, and even Sunday to fun day, but "I-don't-have-to-run day"? No, now Prince is just messing with us.



10."I'm all out of faith This is how I feel"--Natalie Imbruglia's 'Torn'(lyrics by Anne Preven)

Can you say filler line? Like, oh, we get it, this is how you feel -- because it's been so darn long since you told us how you were all out of faith.




9."Now you're amazed By the VIP posse Steppin' so hard Like a German Nazi"--Vanilla Ice's 'Play That Funky Music'

Dude took the original song's "white boy" lyrics a little too literally. Good thing he specified German though, because those Austrian Nazis were way too light on their feet.



7."I don't think that I've got the stomach To stomach calling you today"--Saves the Day's 'See You'

And we're betting that this clever emo fella doesn't have the eyes to eye you, the hands to handle you ... or even the mouth to mouth your name. Oh, the humanity!



6."Your butt is mine"--Michael Jackson's 'Bad'

The worst opening line in pop history. However, we hear it's huge in Dubai.



5."But if this ever-changing world in which we live in ..."--Paul McCartney and Wings' 'Live and Let Die'Dangerous combination:

Sir Paul having so much money and prepositional phrases being so cheap. Any junior-high English teacher would take points off for everything after "world."



3."I don't like cities But I like New York Other places Make me feel like a dork"--Madonna's 'I Love New York'

So, so true. Which is of course why Paris is so famously known as the City of Dorks.



2."War is stupid And people are stupid"--Culture Club's 'War Song'Boy George again, and this time he's illin' like Bob Dylan.

We wrote a song just like this in seventh grade, but the next line was, "And your mom is stupid."



1."Coast to coast L.A. to Chicago"--Sade's 'Smooth Operator'

Sade was born in Nigeria and grew up in London, but her biggest hit reveals that she's clearly not a smooth navigator.

Number 4, 8, and 14 are missing owing to their over exposing lyrics.
But anyways these are good enough for a hearty laugh.
Apart from this there were some 25 saddest song list, a few of them I thought were really goood and here's the link to that
http://www.spinner.com/2007/05/04/the-25-most-exquisitely-sad-songs-in-the-whole-world-no-25/
Enjoy!!!

Night- Mare

Today morning I was really pleased to read the headlines bout that bill on ban on women nightshift, going out of the window.
It is so utterly prepostrous (yess I learnt it today!!) to even think of such a ban and paint it with the so called culture grease.
The minister who came up with this abolutely funny idea ( specially in the city which is suppose to be the mother of all the call centers) to not let women work at night. The idea was of protecting women from all the crimes ( rape , robbery etc etc).
So this is their solution don't fight the criminal or the crimes but the victims freedom. I think in their view the best way to solve a case is to dont register it (yeah, thats how they maintain low crime rate, low FIR low crime rates).
But this is just as ridiculuos as issueing an arrest warrant for richard gere on the kissing fiasco.
Some of the women whom they are asking to leave out their night shift and sit at homes are the sole bread winners of their houses and with them sitting at home no santa will come to give them some loot.
The government or the lawmaker should have the brains to get this fact.
And the whole doesnt end here, these same lawmakers are trying to give a justification of this whole thing as the culture of india.
They say that its not the culture of India for a women to go out and work specially at night.
Well I have no idea how many culture books they ahve read or how many Phd's they have done on indian culture but am sure no women respecting culture would ever disreagard the right of women to earn or be independent.
And I think modern India is way behind the ancient India and its broadminededness as far as women and their rights are concerned. Never were a women was stopped from being indepent at that time,whereas today if a women independence is marred by such laws.
I am not being a feminist or anything of that sort but by earning a living a women is not defying any laws or going out of control. All she is trying to do is live a respectable life and support her family.
I was reading the various response that people gave in a nwespaper regarding this issue.All the guys thought its a very thoughtfull thing that the labor minister had come up with but all the women considered it to be demeaning which again shows what kind of mentality men have.
We still live ina society where women are comapred to food and its said that women and food are two things that should always be covered.
Thats all a woman means to them. I think its more then the shift- revamping the society needs. It need to revamp the thinking and mentality they live with, this will have more positive effect then juggling with the shifts pf women.

Weekend dhamaka!!!!!!!!!!

ITSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS FRIDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY
And well this weekend looks quite promising with shweta&Akshay's Rajma chawal party scheduled today, dance classes tommorrow and meeting with anjali tommorrow and then meeting rashmi and watching spidy on sunday. Although I have least hopes with the movie but am hoping the meeting would be good.
Plus my lead has left early and considering taht as a good omen I would start the friday :D

Auto meter analysis:)

This is one blog that I have been wishing to write since eternity.
Anyways here goes, this post is basically a tiny little analysis based on my experience with the auto and the auto meters.
This basically is for everyone who travels by the auto and feels that why is it that they dont get the same fare for any two autos when the start and end place remains same.
There can be various theories trying to explain the above problem or the above inconsistency of the auto.
Could be that the auto driver too a difrent route, and if there is just one route then there could be heat, pressure, density ( I somehow feel I am just giving the class 9th physics syllabus for first term).
Well in this blog we not try to prick any of those theories and give out a very difficult einstienish theory of auto travel but certain simple observations tied up with each other.
Well to start of with i would like to give a disclaimer thats I am not an authority and its been only some 1.5 years since am travelling in autos and these are just my observatiosn.
So, first of all lets define the problem.
The problem with the varying fare that we get is that eithere the meter is tied up with the axle of some other auto which is running at a much faster speed or the meter is at fault.
Now coming to the pint how does the meter works.
Well the meter works by counting the RPMs and for a certain number of Revolutions it makes it charges 50 paisa(am still not sure how many revolutions).
So if someone has to do some nasty thing with the meter all they have to do is decrese the number of RPM for each 50paisa charge (and that is done by the small wire hanging right below the meter which connects the meter with the axle, I have seen autowals fondling with it, once I tell them there meter is fast).
Now coming to the type of meters
Basically there are three kinds of

• Standard meters
• Super meters
• Perfect meters

Apart from these there are some other genre of meters like paras etc.

A close to 70% of the autorikshaw are non digital meters (This is based on the times I have come across a digital and non digital meters and in this analysis am taking an assumption that the probability of getting an auto from BTM water tank is random and not biased in any way).

Out of these 70%, some 60-65% are standard meters and the rest are super meters.Rest of the 35-40% of meters are super meters and if not super they generally have the name of teh meter comapny scrapped off it.

Prefect meters are generally digitall meters and the probability of fudging with them is very low but that does not means that they cannot be doctored (read this for details http://www.hindu.com/2007/02/21/stories/2007022121760300.htm). We will take up the digital meters a little later, lets now focus on the non digital meters.

The standard meter is generally a worn off meters with lines of time all over it. they Genrally remind me of e reall old lady waitng for her death.

but no matter how much old they might be the auto driver will never to fail to swear by their authenticity.

Anyways, coming back to the topic these meters generally work fine till 2km (which is the minimum fare) then out of the sudden their whole mechanism work on some underworld don principle "Grab as much money, with as less effort as possible". So these meters by the end of the third Km go off by some 2 rupees (which seem a very small amount when written in a blog),but it does not ends there coz the meter keeps on increasing its fudginess with the distance.The discrapancy in the fare is directly propotion to the distance you travel, so the more you travel the more you get robbed. The discrapancy can range from Rs. 5-15 ona travel of some 6.5-7 km (dats the disctance I travel twice a day).

Coming to the second breed of meters.They are the super meters, well the way they run during the waiting time will make superman look slow. They would be fine till 3-4km but once you see red light just get out of the auto coz they just go crazy seeing a red light, and the auto walas slow down seeing a red light gng from green to yellow. As for the kilometerwise problem they are little behind the standard meters as the discrapancy ranges from Rs. 5-8 in these autos, though I have seen some meters go upto 20 buck, but that was on higher distance.

Then comes the perfect meters, more often then not they are correct, well almost.

They might have problem of a few bucks but other then that I dont see much of a problem in them and above all when u see one of these they look so promising due to their digital attire. But that doesn't mean that they cannot be doctored. Its very much possible that even they can have problem, but then again they are simple auto meters, not some nuclear missile luanching timer.

The other meters like paras are generally digital meters and like perfect meters they are often correct (or as the auto driver would say "correctaaaaaaa, madam"). I would give more marks to paras then perfect, 'coz almost 98% of times a paras meter has been correct.

Well the best way to combat all these problem is to mark points and the correct fare (generally the lowest you have come across during your travelling experience 'coz I have not seen a slow meter in these one and a half year) at those points, so that you know when the meter reading is going hay wire.This is for the people who take the same route everyday.

As for the lucky ones, who have to deal with sweetest of these creatures named the autowallas and there coveted meters only once in a blue moon or even less (may be in a red moon) then that, they can follow this:

• after crossing the 2 km boundary try out the dialogue" bhaiyya meter fast hai".
• the autowala would say "By how much (he is testing one by asking this).
• Dont fret, just give some arbit figure (say some 4-5 bucks) and if that right (which would be the case in most of the cases)he will shutup if not he will argue back, then u can take a call whether to continue or change auto.

That's my modus operandi ( and I think for many others in Bangalore) :),

Post script: Few more thoughts from few of the great thinkers of the group :D

But I guess these superheros are the so lucky that they fly or cling to some building or something like that.

I mean travelling is so simple for them, no extra charge, no one and a halfa. Best is superman he can fly wherever he want and he doesnt even has to wait for his onsite turn or anything to see other countries. He can do that all by himself. I fell spiderman is a loss here coz for him to operate he needs to have some realll good skyscrapers and all that so he can only operate in new york or tokyo or some place like that and not in places like Bangalore or Delhi, as the buildings are quite short in the height department, and they are much more spaced as compared to New york n all. So spidy can't travel much in places like delhi or Bangalore.

Imagine spidy going out on a missin in Chandni chowk.Man, its gonna be one messy mission with the fear of getting stuck in parathe wali gali's tents or chauwdi bazars stalls. Then after some time will find there is nothing but a stalls. Poor spidy the mission will fail before its start.

Anyways thats enough for the day.